I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize