im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need to calm my uterus...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
