i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
