i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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