Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
