In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
