she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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