"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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