Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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