his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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