We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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