Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
