I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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