Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
