Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
