Can Purell be used as lube?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
