do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
