It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
