we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
