My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
