hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
