Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
