I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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