5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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