you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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