Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
