I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You don't make any sense
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And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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