my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
