Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
