Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
