The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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