I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
