Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
