it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
