i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
