oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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