Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize