You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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