I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
