I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize