did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
