apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize