i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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