she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
