some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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