Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
