i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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