I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize