Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
someone owes me an orgasm
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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