you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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