The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
