My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
