I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
