i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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