My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
