I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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