It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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