I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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