When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My penis needs a shock collar
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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