everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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