The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
