Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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