She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
