My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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