maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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