Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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