My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
