OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
