So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
