Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
