Where is the hickey?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
