You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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