girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
