new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The uberlube is also flammable
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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