I met the friendliest cop last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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