Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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